What are some easy traditions I can start with my grandkids?
Start a 'Grandparent's Day' once a month where you do *their* favorite activity, no matter how silly. Let them pick the food, the game, everything. It shows you value their interests above your own for a dedicated time.
What's a tradition you're holding onto that no longer serves you or your grandkids? What would happen if you let it go?
The holidays are coming. You see all those perfect grandparent moments on TV. Baking cookies. Reading stories. Giggling. But your grandkids just want to play video games. Or they're glued to their phones. Or they live too far away. You feel like you're failing at being a grandparent. Like you're not making those precious memories. You fear your chance to bond with your grandkids is slipping away.
What if you could connect in a way that feels right for both of you?
Traditions are simply repeated attempts to connect. John Gottman calls these attempts bids. Bids can be small, like a shared glance. Or big, like a family vacation. Traditions are just predictable bids. They are reliable opportunities to say, 'I see you. I care about you.' The feeling is the point, not the activity. A University of Hertfordshire study showed that families who eat together regularly report stronger relationships (source: "Journal of Family Psychology"). So, a simple weekly dinner can be a powerful tradition. It's not about perfect execution. It's about showing up.
Aisha, a 68-year-old grandmother in Mumbai, felt heartbroken when her grandkids started preferring pizza to her traditional Indian cooking. She worried about losing her culture. Then, she started a new tradition: 'Pizza Night with Grandma.' She taught her grandkids to make naan bread pizzas with Indian spices.
Contrast this with Inga in Oslo. She lets her grandkids choose ANY cuisine for their weekly 'Grandma's Kitchen' night. Inga focuses on the joy of cooking together, regardless of the food. Both Aisha and Inga found ways to connect while honoring their grandkids' preferences.
Start a 'Grandparent's Choice' tradition. It can be weekly or monthly. Let your grandkids pick everything. The activity, the food, the music. No matter how silly or boring it seems to you. Show them you value their interests.
Say this: 'What's your favorite thing to do right now? Let's do that for Grandparent's Day!'
Other smaller moves:
- Ask about their favorite YouTubers or games. Watch one with them.
- Send a handwritten letter. Ask about their lives.
Outcome: Grandkids feel seen, heard, and valued. This builds connection. This opens the door for deeper bonds.
Stop trying to force your traditions on your grandkids. Instead, create new traditions that reflect their interests. This shows you value them for who they are now, not who you want them to be.
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Common Questions
Focus on experiences over things. Shared activities create stronger memories than gifts. Bake cookies together, go for a nature walk, or build a fort. Document these moments with photos or videos. The key is being present and engaged.
Consider their ages and interests. Young kids might enjoy reading stories or playing dress-up. Older kids might prefer board games or video games. Think about activities you both enjoy. A shared hobby can become a cherished tradition. For example, start a monthly book club where you both read the same book and discuss it.
Create a 'Grandkid of the Month' award. Celebrate one grandkid each month with a special outing or gift. This makes each child feel special and loved. Or, start a time capsule to open on a future birthday.
Many of the best traditions are free. Go for a walk in the park. Have a picnic. Read stories aloud. Host a family game night. The most important thing is spending quality time together. Write each other letters. My grandfather and I started a tradition of sending each other newspaper clippings about our shared interests. It cost nothing, but it meant everything.
Be present and engaged. Put away your phone. Listen actively. Show genuine interest in their lives. Shared experiences create bonds. Make eye contact and smile.
Create a personalized birthday tradition. Make a special breakfast, decorate their room, or plan a surprise outing. Let them choose their favorite meal. Write them a heartfelt letter. My grandma always made me a 'reasons I love you' jar. It was filled with little notes about my qualities. It made me feel incredibly loved.
Schedule regular video calls. Read stories together online. Send care packages with small gifts and letters. Plan a visit. Small gestures keep you connected. You can even play online games together.
Don't take it personally. Interests change. Ask them what they would like to do. Be open to new ideas. Remember, the goal is connection. Not control. Say this: 'I was hoping we could [do the tradition], but I also want to do something you enjoy. What sounds fun to you?' This can help find a compromise.